Thoughts on Interracial Marriage Blogs
I've been surfing around the net reading some BW/WM IR blogs. That's black woman/white man interracial for those of you not in the know, LOL. Something about these blogs rub me the wrong way and I am not sure why...surely it is ok for people in mixed marriages to celebrate their marriages like any other couple? But I guess that's part of the irritation; most are not celebrating their marriage like any other couple. While many of them do celebrate their relationship, the focal point seems to be about race and how everyone is against them and how unique and special they are. Rather than being an aspect of their relationship, race seems to be the focal point of what their marriage is about. How sad is that?
There is are a few in particular that even kinda offended me, and it takes a lot to offend me these days as I am all about positivity. On Black Female Interracial Marriage, the blog author actually is trying to sell tees and bags and stuff with some sort of secret logo that single black women and white men can wear to signal to each other that they are interested in interracial dating. What in the underworld? Seriously, what kind of foolishness is that? Forget color, what woman wants a man who is too punk to come up and ask her out without a secret signal? You have got to be kidding me. She also appears to be running some kind of dating service or something on the blog; she has stuff like 'Miss October' featuring a new black woman every month interested in dating white men. Judge for yourself, but be warned. I found it to be nauseating. Not quite as nauseating as Black Women's IR Circle, whose tagline is "The Underground Railroad to Relationship Freedom for Black Women" (Seriously! I am not making this up!) which made me feel physically sick. That is just plain wrong on so many levels.
I just wish these blogs and websites didn't overwhelmingly say or imply that dating and marrying outside of your race or cultural group is 'broadening' or 'freeing' and that dating and marrying within your race or cultural group is 'limiting' or 'narrow-minded'. There is nothing wrong with dating and marrying within your racial and/or cultural group! They also seem to overwhelmingly feel that interracial mixing is going to be the end cause of racism. While I do feel that the acceptance of interracial mixing will increase in the United States and worldwide, I don't feel that the rise of interracial mixing will cause or even contribute greatly to the ending of racism in this country or anywhere else. To think otherwise suggests a great ignorance of history not only of the United States but of other countries.
For example, interracial mixing has been fairly common in this country since it began as a colony of England. Did such mixing stop slavery, did it then stop segregation, did it cause the civil rights movement? No, the ending of racism will be caused by white people who overwhelmingly choose to not be racist, to choose to end a system of skin color privilege and oppression, and they will come to this decision not because the majority of them will be married to black people. For one thing, as we are 12-13% of the population in the United States there are simply not enough black people for this to happen. For another thing, there have always been white people in this country who have been against racism and staunch defenders of citizenship rights being available and applied to all people born in the United States regardless of color. I do feel that these sort of white people will increase and I do feel that eventually racism will end in this country. I just feel that race-mixing will be a minimal part of this happening.
What I'd like to see on these blogs is a less one-dimensional view of their marriages.
There is are a few in particular that even kinda offended me, and it takes a lot to offend me these days as I am all about positivity. On Black Female Interracial Marriage, the blog author actually is trying to sell tees and bags and stuff with some sort of secret logo that single black women and white men can wear to signal to each other that they are interested in interracial dating. What in the underworld? Seriously, what kind of foolishness is that? Forget color, what woman wants a man who is too punk to come up and ask her out without a secret signal? You have got to be kidding me. She also appears to be running some kind of dating service or something on the blog; she has stuff like 'Miss October' featuring a new black woman every month interested in dating white men. Judge for yourself, but be warned. I found it to be nauseating. Not quite as nauseating as Black Women's IR Circle, whose tagline is "The Underground Railroad to Relationship Freedom for Black Women" (Seriously! I am not making this up!) which made me feel physically sick. That is just plain wrong on so many levels.
I just wish these blogs and websites didn't overwhelmingly say or imply that dating and marrying outside of your race or cultural group is 'broadening' or 'freeing' and that dating and marrying within your race or cultural group is 'limiting' or 'narrow-minded'. There is nothing wrong with dating and marrying within your racial and/or cultural group! They also seem to overwhelmingly feel that interracial mixing is going to be the end cause of racism. While I do feel that the acceptance of interracial mixing will increase in the United States and worldwide, I don't feel that the rise of interracial mixing will cause or even contribute greatly to the ending of racism in this country or anywhere else. To think otherwise suggests a great ignorance of history not only of the United States but of other countries.
For example, interracial mixing has been fairly common in this country since it began as a colony of England. Did such mixing stop slavery, did it then stop segregation, did it cause the civil rights movement? No, the ending of racism will be caused by white people who overwhelmingly choose to not be racist, to choose to end a system of skin color privilege and oppression, and they will come to this decision not because the majority of them will be married to black people. For one thing, as we are 12-13% of the population in the United States there are simply not enough black people for this to happen. For another thing, there have always been white people in this country who have been against racism and staunch defenders of citizenship rights being available and applied to all people born in the United States regardless of color. I do feel that these sort of white people will increase and I do feel that eventually racism will end in this country. I just feel that race-mixing will be a minimal part of this happening.
What I'd like to see on these blogs is a less one-dimensional view of their marriages.
Labels: interracial, marriage stuff on other blogs
posted by Trula at
7:27 PM
11 Comments:
On Black Female Interracial Marriage, the blog author actually is trying to sell tees and bags and stuff with some sort of secret logo that single black women and white men can wear to signal to each other that they are interested in interracial dating. What in the underworld? Seriously, what kind of foolishness is that? Forget color, what woman wants a man who is too punk to come up and ask her out without a secret signal? You have got to be kidding me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ROFLMAO.
This is very true and I share some of your sentiment, if you don't have the courage to come up to me, I sure as hell won't be wearing a vanilla ice cream cone to get your attention.
But in defense of the blogs and the I love variety idea...
I, like you, am completely comfortable with IR dating. To me it's just no big deal. So when I saw that there were actual websites to tell bw to date wm, I initially thought this is ridiculous.
But after reading the post, the comments, and thinking deeply about the attitudes that many bw have, I realized that these women are doing a great service to some bw.
There are bw who truly have never considered the idea of dating a wm, who may be concerned about being socially ostracized, who have had bad experience both with wm and bm, and who have deeply entrenched views of themselves and men.
What these blogs are saying is that bw should not accept having to be single (because apparently that's what is literally being preached in some pulpits and in some media).
That bw should seriously examine themselves and expectations in life and not just settle for men that may only do them harm (because too many woman are making bad choses when it comes to mates).
That not all wm are evil or interested in only sexual affairs (because of the legacy of racism in this country, lack of exposure, or bad experiences, many bw really believe this).
That there are wm that actually find you attractive and would happily mate with you and conversely for wm, there are bw that find you attractive (because many bw have deep seeded feelings of low self esteem and think they are unattractive and wm have gotten signals that bw in general don't want them (which unfortunately seems true)).
And in general the blogs offer a place for bw to share their life experiences and express any anxieties or issues they may have around IR dating.
So all of this is to say, that while you and I may be free from any resistance to dating IR, many other bw are not quite there yet. SO they need encouragement to rethink their lifes and their choices and I think these blogs are helping some bw to do just that.
I do hope you can get over feeling nausous (sp) because I think your POV is sorely needed.
This post has been removed by the author.
I also want to say, mu POV is always available on this blog, and thank you for visiting and also commenting!
When I first saw that site I was a little suspicious about the items for sale as you stated and I thought maybe it's a site that is just trying to make money.
I also got to say I like your marriage blog here. I'll be a regular reader. Your sites are really growing and I'm happy for your success and blog popularity.
hi trula. i read lots of your stuff, which started out with your hair since i was starting locs (seven months! whoo hoo! lol.) anyway, i was bothered by what you spoke of in your blog about interracial marriages. or should i say, your comments about the websites you linked. i went to the first one and was completely turned off. there of course, is nothing wrong with interracial relationships. however, i don't feel that there should be a site marketing black women for white men... though i don't think that people need to be marketed online anyway. i see the struggle that most of those women have though. in their thirties and up, educated and looking for someone who will appreciate them, which black men, honestly, have a tendency to not do. however, it also bothered me that she assumed that some celebs were in relationships with people just because they were sitting next to each other. in conclusion, love is love. i would never say that i will never date a man of a certain race, as i would never say that i will only date men of a certain race. my heart knows no color. i think a lot of those people have the whole "us against the world" mentality, which intensifies things for them or something. i don't know. keep writing though. :-P
Hi Adam! Hi Aja! man, I have got to turn on comment notification, ha. belated thanks for visiting and commenting, I appreciate it.
Aja, you wrote something I disagree with:
in their thirties and up, educated and looking for someone who will appreciate them, which black men, honestly, have a tendency to not do.
Do you really think most black men don't appreciate black women? I just don't agree with this. Most black men who marry, pursue and marry black women. Most black men who have children, have children with black women. While I do feel there is some disconnect happening between black men and women when it comes to marriage, what I see is deep love and attraction between most black men and women.
I enjoyed reading your post. I agree with a lot of what you have said. My question is though, what's the difference between selling items on a blog and criticising another blogger as a way to build your own cred as a blogger?
Selling items with a logo is one way to publicize a blog; attacking a popular blogger is also a way to get attention. Different route, same outcome. Is there really any justification for the dismissive tone toward the other blogger???
Many people have business ventures. That's not a crime. Some people will want to purchase the items that are on sale at the other blog and some people will want to pay for a blog subscription, and others won't. That's the way it should be. There are multiple blogs addressing the interracial marriage issue, so people have options. If they don't like one blog, they can patronize another.
It will truly be a day of victory when we as Black women can get to the point when we can just give each other a break and respect our respective rights to be who we want to be. Its sad that after all we've been through as a community we haven't lost the urge to cannibalize and tear down each other for sport.
Peace,
Alessandra
Hi Alessandra thanks for visiting and commenting. You misunderstand the intent behind my post. It was certainly NOT to build 'build cred as a blogger' because hey I've been blogging since '02 on various blogs and could give a hoot about that.
I wrote what I wrote because that is how I honestly feel. My intention was, and is, to express my disappointment with interracial blogs pushing forth the idea of white men being better than black men, as these blogs are.
It would be nice if we as black women weren't urged to 'unify' with nonsense just because it comes from a fellow black person.
OMG- I am a BW married to a WM and I love your blog. Please tell me that you will be writing again.
"some sort of secret logo that single black women and white men can wear to signal to each other that they are interested in interracial dating."
OMG, that sounds so political and dreadful.
There is already a signal that WM and BW can use to signal their willingness to date interracially. It's called "flirting." Works between people of the same ethnic group too.
@kristina brooke: thank you! just saw your comment
@mitch wagner: LOL ok right :)
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