Virginia Woolf said, "A woman needs money and a room of her own to write."

I did actually have a room of my own when my sons shared a room when they were small. Long before they wanted to have their own bedrooms I gave up my office because my kids did not understand why they couldn't come in and talk to me whenever. I just couldn't bear it. My sons would pile their toys and play right outside the door, and my daughter would write me little notes and slide them under the door. Sometimes my husband would actually attempt to distract them but because he also resented my office he didn't do this often. Also during this time our relationship was spiraling and we were on the brink of divorce.

Long story short, we worked it out, and my old office is now my older son's bedroom. My writing spaces are all over the house, but my main writing desk is in a corner of the dining room. If you are a mother who writes, maybe you can make a corner of your bedroom yours, or keep a box of your things under or by the computer or in a drawer or under/by your bed.

You can make public spaces 'yours' too. There is a coffee house I go to that I write at a lot, where I have 'my' table. At the library, the librarians like to tease me about 'my' computer because I always sign up for the same one. Some days I can't focus at home and I go to the library because I can be around other people but it's quiet and I can work.. some days I go to the coffee shop for the same reason. Either way having 'my' space there helps me.

If you are a mother and/or married it is often very, very hard to write on a regular and consistent basis because you have parenting and home responsibilities. But you have got to fight for your creative soul. You can't wait for your man to 'let' you do anything, or give you space and permission to do anything. You have to assume the right just like men do. In my women's writing group we spend a good chunk of meeting time talking about husbands and children and working around both. In my other writing group, which is mostly men, that's not an issue because their wives give them space and keep the kids quiet or out of their hair so they can write in peace. Is this fair? NO

But that is the way it is. You have two main choices here. You can leave this man and go live somewhere by yourself and share custody, or you can do your part in making the relationship work with you as a functioning artist. You do not have to stifle your writing in order to be a good mama and partner. Wolf had a good point, but you can write or whatever else creative endeavor without having a room of your own. It's hard but you can do it.

These are some things I did (and still do) to get my work done:
1. Work in short stretches. If you think about writing a book it feels overwhelming but you do not have to write it all at once. There are 365 days in a year. If you write a page a day you will have a book at the end of the year, see? some of my projects took me less than a year writing in little bits of time, some much longer.

2. Leave kids with partner and go write or wherever elsewhere if he and they won't or can't give you space.

3. This is the most important one: Be very clear with your husband/boyfriend about your needs and expectations as an artist. He is not a mind reader. You have to actually tell him: I am going to write/paint/play guitar/whatever for X amount of hours and I do not want to be disturbed. This one was hard for me because I did expect him to be a mind reader.

It is still hard for me to take my time and space but I am working on it. You can too.