Marriage is What You Make it
Marriage is what you make of it. You don't have to have a traditional marriage. I know married people who are polyamorous. I know married people who live separately. I know married people who don't have kids and don't ever want any. These are happily married people, too. They are just as happy as we are.
By all means, marriage does mean sharing a life and a future with another person. It does mean sacrifice on both your parts because neither of you is going to get your way all the time. If you are unwilling or unable to to do this, then don't get married.
On the money issue, it's like any other issue within a marriage that a couple can decide on. Some couples choose to have joint accounts, some choose to keep separate accounts, and some choose to have both joint accounts and separate accounts. There is no reason why you have to have just a joint account, unless that is something you both want to do.
On the sex issue, if you choose to have a monogamous marriage, the benefits of this far outweigh the perceived cons i.e no variety of sex partners. I don't have to worry about catching sexually-transmitted diseases. My husband doesn't have to worry about catching sexually-transmitted diseases. This is a big deal in a world where you can die from catching a disease through sex. And even if you don't get HIV, just the regular cooties are a pain. Even if you don't get regular cooties, even the 'minor' irritations are a pain. Back when I was trying to be a fast girl, I used to get yeast infections and vaginosis frequently. It is just not safe to introduce a variety or sperm and/or different bodily fluids from other people into the vagina. I've been with my husband going on 12 years now, and in all this time I have had a yeast infection once. Some women I know who are still out there kicking it and wildin' out with strangers frequently have yeast infections, vaginosis, bladder infections, etc. No thanks!
Now of course there are safer sex practices that can help prevent or lessen your odds of getting sick in any way from having sex with multiple people. But be honest with yourself about your level of commitment in doing this. Are you really going to practice safe sex? Do you even want to? It's ok if you don't. Be upfront with anyone you wish to deal with and talk in depth about being monogamous with them before you engage sexually with them. Be clear that this is the type of marriage and/or relationship you want. This helps you reduce the amount of time you waste with people who don't want to be monogamous, and increases your odds of finding someone who truly does want a monogamous relationship.
A lot of people don't believe you can trust another person 100% not to have sex with other people, but we do. Someone even told my husband he didn't know for sure if I would ever cheat on him, and my husband said, Yes, I do know for sure. The trust and faith we have in each other frees us from being paranoid and jealous the way many married couples are.
We are intimate in our emotions, in our hearts and mind as well, and that connection makes our physical connection very intense. I don't think you can have this level of intensity during sex with a stranger. I never did, because I had my defenses up, I couldn't relax completely with someone I barely knew. Even guys I knew a while, had dated for some time, we still didn't have a deep emotional connection because we hadn't made a commitment to each other. Monogamy doesn't have to be boring, not at all. It can and should be an adventure with the person you love and are committed to.
By all means, marriage does mean sharing a life and a future with another person. It does mean sacrifice on both your parts because neither of you is going to get your way all the time. If you are unwilling or unable to to do this, then don't get married.
On the money issue, it's like any other issue within a marriage that a couple can decide on. Some couples choose to have joint accounts, some choose to keep separate accounts, and some choose to have both joint accounts and separate accounts. There is no reason why you have to have just a joint account, unless that is something you both want to do.
On the sex issue, if you choose to have a monogamous marriage, the benefits of this far outweigh the perceived cons i.e no variety of sex partners. I don't have to worry about catching sexually-transmitted diseases. My husband doesn't have to worry about catching sexually-transmitted diseases. This is a big deal in a world where you can die from catching a disease through sex. And even if you don't get HIV, just the regular cooties are a pain. Even if you don't get regular cooties, even the 'minor' irritations are a pain. Back when I was trying to be a fast girl, I used to get yeast infections and vaginosis frequently. It is just not safe to introduce a variety or sperm and/or different bodily fluids from other people into the vagina. I've been with my husband going on 12 years now, and in all this time I have had a yeast infection once. Some women I know who are still out there kicking it and wildin' out with strangers frequently have yeast infections, vaginosis, bladder infections, etc. No thanks!
Now of course there are safer sex practices that can help prevent or lessen your odds of getting sick in any way from having sex with multiple people. But be honest with yourself about your level of commitment in doing this. Are you really going to practice safe sex? Do you even want to? It's ok if you don't. Be upfront with anyone you wish to deal with and talk in depth about being monogamous with them before you engage sexually with them. Be clear that this is the type of marriage and/or relationship you want. This helps you reduce the amount of time you waste with people who don't want to be monogamous, and increases your odds of finding someone who truly does want a monogamous relationship.
A lot of people don't believe you can trust another person 100% not to have sex with other people, but we do. Someone even told my husband he didn't know for sure if I would ever cheat on him, and my husband said, Yes, I do know for sure. The trust and faith we have in each other frees us from being paranoid and jealous the way many married couples are.
We are intimate in our emotions, in our hearts and mind as well, and that connection makes our physical connection very intense. I don't think you can have this level of intensity during sex with a stranger. I never did, because I had my defenses up, I couldn't relax completely with someone I barely knew. Even guys I knew a while, had dated for some time, we still didn't have a deep emotional connection because we hadn't made a commitment to each other. Monogamy doesn't have to be boring, not at all. It can and should be an adventure with the person you love and are committed to.
posted by Trula at
10:14 AM
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