We Celebrated Our 9th Anniversary

Brian and I recently celebrated our 9th marriage anniversary! I've been very plugged into the planning for our big 10th renewal vows ceremony next year, almost let this one slip by. My sweetie did not forget. Brian, I love you so much.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting The Marriage Blog of Brian & Trula!

How I Got My Husband to Help with Housework

Many wives complain about their husbands not doing their fair share of housework or helping them with housework. What follows is what worked for me. Doing this made so much difference in my marriage, you just don't know. I like my house clean and tidy and my husband wouldn't pick up after himself, it used to hurt my feelings so bad. At one point I even felt like he was being dirty just to mess with me. But all he needed was some positive reinforcement, and he's been doing his part ever since.

If you are married or living with a man try to get his assistance. I know this can be difficult. It can be emotionally painful. All of your feminist sensibilities will rail against the unfairness of it all. Older long-term married women gave me this advice: Ask your man nicely to do some housework and thank him when he does. Do not berate his cleaning or do his work over if he does it differently or less thoroughly than you. Over time he will improve. Follow this with a reward of some kind, such as extra attention, his favorite meal or dessert, or allowing him to watch a game or go out with his friends without hearing any complaint from you. It is also very important!! to not ask your man to do any housework as soon as he gets home from work, before work, or early on his day off. Let him hear you talking about how helpful he is to your friends and family.

I resisted doing this for years because I thought it was sexist and demeaning to both of us but once I started I could have kicked myself because it made a world of difference in how my husband responded to my requests for his help in keeping the house clean. There was a time when he wouldn't even pick up his dirty socks from our bedroom floor!!! Once I threw a boycott and wouldn't pick up any of his stuff and by the end of the month our bedroom floor was covered with his dirty socks, t-shirts, underwear, and assorted pants and shirts and our bedroom smelled like a locker room. He only picked it all up because he didn't have anything clean to wear.

Now, he does his part with no prompting or begging from me. He also does the bulk of the laundry, keeps the bathtub and bathroom walls clean, keeps his closet together and keeps his clothes off the floor. He also keeps the inside part of the windows clean, he'll mop the kitchen and bathroom floors if I ask him to, does all the yard work (mowing, shoveling snow, etc.) and keeps the garage clean. Try it, this may work for you.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting The Marriage Blog of Brian & Trula!

Funny Husband Quote

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

This is too true! Pay attention to your husband. more thoughts on this to come.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting Musing Monogamy!

Happy Valentine's Day Brian

Brian and I met December 1994 and our first date was Valentine's Day 1996. Ever since it has been our special holiday. So today I will list some things I dig about Brian.

If I had to pick one quality that I admire and love about my husband, it would be his aura of calmness. He exudes strength and stability. As an extremely sensitive, formerly high strung, easily excited person this aspect of his personality really attracted me.

He also has a higher than normal body temperature. I am a freeze baby so this is nice for both of us. We balance each other out. Sometimes when I stand next to him I can feel his body heat emanating off him in waves.

I really like that Brian is secure about himself, his opinions, his ideas. He can appreciate differences in others' opinions and rarely takes things personally. Another quality I like about him is his sense of humor. He is very funny and likes to laugh. Like me he enjoys being silly sometimes. He cracks me up.

I also like how Brian has a strong work ethic. He has taught me a lot about how to 'show up like a grown-up' as Dr. Robin says. At times he worked 3 jobs to take care of us. When he only had one job, he was in school full-time as well. This man worked all through college, both undergraduate and grad school. I am so proud of his tenacity in finishing school and going after the career he wanted.

I love how my husband treats me. He is very kind to me & affectionate. He makes an effort to be nice to me, and appreciative. I feel good being around him. I know I can rely on Brian and trust him. He is a friend to my heart.

I also like how my husband loves nature & being out in it. He enjoys biking and long walks in the woods. Winter, he likes long walks on the lake if it's frozen solid enough. Like me he is a throwback ha ha. We are very primitive, basic, natural people who appreciate the earth.

Weirdest quirk about my husband: he claims not to remember his dreams! I find this fascinating as I am lucid dreamer & have very vivid dreams. Back when I had insomnia really bad I would wake him up sometimes in the middle of the night just to see if he would remember what he was dreaming about. Um, Brian was not having that LOL.

I like how my husband is physically fit. When I gained a lot of weight, he took it in stride. When I wanted to get fit, he helped me a lot. He got us a family membership at the YMCA and exercised with me. He helped me work through my food issues by listening to me when I had a food crisis.

I love how he trusts in me and believes in me. It's one thing to trust someone, it's a whole other thing to have someone fully trust in you. It's a wonderful thing to have someone trust you with their heart and feelings. I take this responsibility seriously, with my heart. He feels the same way. I am so touched that my husband recognizes that my love is a gift; it's something precious to him.

When I met my husband he was 20 & I was 22. We started dating year I turned 24, he 22. This year we are 36 & 34. There has been a lot of growing up done, and yet so much more to do. I look at the boy & girl we were, we were so young! and so clueless what love was all about. But love bonded us, and sustained us through rough times.

I am excited about how our relationship will continue to grow as time goes on. The past 12 years have been such a ride! Happy Valentine's Day Brian! I love you with all my heart, and all my soul.

Originally posted to my twitter. Follow me for occasional marriage thoughts throughout the day

Crushes - Yes or No?

I got a question from a woman in a monogamous marriage asking me how do I feel about crushes. Well, hmmm.

I think it's perfectly natural and reasonable to be attracted to other people. Just don't give them too much head space.

I have to laugh because I had a crush on Lenny Kravitz for years, to the point where I would refer to him as 'my second husband' LOL! Anyway he's a safe crush because it's not like I'm going to run into him just randomly going about my regular business, or if I did it's not like he'd try to get with me, you know? So that's how I feel about crushes...if you are in a monogamous marriage it's probably best if you keep crushes at a distance to lessen the temptation to stray. Remember monogamy is not natural to human beings so you must safeguard your commitment to be faithful! Turn your feelings back onto your husband; flirt with him and give him the fast eye and frequent touches. He will probably mirror that back to you and get you all hot and bothered...after a few days of that you won't likely spend time thinking about your crush and you will be wrapped up in your husband again.

Nine Years Still Going Strong

2008 marks our ninth year of being married, twelfth year of being together, and 14th year of knowing each other. That's a lot of history, most of it good, and I'm excited about the future. My main marriage goals for this year are organizing our wedding renewal vows ceremony for next year and working on how I communicate with Brian. I have a feeling it's going to be a great year for us. Happy New Year!

The Life of Wife Blog

I posted on the blog Life of Wife last year. It's a community blog about being a wife:

It is funny and challenging, exhaustive and complex, simple and enraging, beautiful and bland. It is everything you think and nothing you can imagine. But if you listen you will hear the sounds of a magic that splits time in two and then mends it again, more perfect and inconceivable than mere words can convey.
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The Happy Husband

The Happy Husband looks like an interesting blog about marriage, gonna read more into it:

We live in a culture that is hostile to marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. It celebrates weddings, yes, but it also celebrates divorces. Why wouldn't it? We hear more about happy divorces than we do about happy marriages. And even bitter divorces serve to reinforce the idea that marriage makes people miserable—just think how much worse off those pitiful people would be had they stayed married.
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